ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
