Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
