god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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