My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
