I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
