two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
