It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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