The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
