he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
