The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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