My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
