Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
