Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
