yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
