Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
