who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
