i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
