You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
