My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
