I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
