we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
