do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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