I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
