I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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