My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize