his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize