I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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