You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
