2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
