he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want to fling myself into the sun
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
