dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
