Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
