What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
