Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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