i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
