Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You just made me feel so damn special
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
4 words: hood of his car
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you would pick up someone in the library
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
