i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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