when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
