He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
