There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
