would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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