So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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