apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
