Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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