scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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