Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
