u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
