I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
