I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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