Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Randomize
