This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
