i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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