I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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