I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
