the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
