I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
