i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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