some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
