i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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