in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
