She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
