you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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