How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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