thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
