I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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