insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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