saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
